Confessions Of A CF Husband

Please pray for this family!!! Please read Nathans blog: Confessions Of A CF Husband

It's been a while!

ok... So i have failed to keep up with this blogging thing lately... Life has been busy. So real quick I will update. :) Wes and I have been back at home for a few weeks now and loving it.... Home Sweet Home.. Our Holidays were nice spending time w/our families. I really learned alot over this past year about life, its challenges and struggles. Our infertility is still playing heavy on my heart, somedays better than others. Im trying to keep the Faith. I have been really slacking on Weight Watchers (still doing it just slacking) I started walking again and got back into making sure i drink my water everyday!!! As i was just typing this... "The Nanny" is on the view and they were talking about how good she is looking and the weight she has lost.. She said she is doing Weight Watchers... Thats funny!! Im not working as of now with our decision of leaving my previous job came being without one. Im currently wathcing a friends little boy which i must say is a very cute,funny 9 month old. He definatly keeps me on my toes. So all in all the new year is going good so far..... Im looking forward to the new year and what it inholds for me.

We are heading HOME!!!!

So things are happening sooner than we thought.... We got told if we wanted to leave this weekend to go back home by the "lady" that we could.... Monday will be my last day of work and the new caretaker is starting then..... I'm so thankful and grateful to that for many reasons... I have been so sick of being treated like this, my nerves were starting to really unravel, Today I was told so many things, some in which only Wes knows, and I'M DONE!!!!! We are looking forward to spending Christmas in our own house... Spending all the time possible with my family and friends, and just getting a break from this hectic life we have been living..... Wes is at the point of going off, he is sick of seeing me being treated my someone so horrible and conniving to so many people..... It was so hard to tell anyone how she treated me cause i was afraid they would not believe me, but finally i feel I have people that don't just believe me, but that know the truth about her, and how she truly really is... May God bless and really be with the care taker that's taking my spot for she will really truly need it!! As for the plans for the weekend we are packing and moving. So get our stuff, get the animals , get the Christmas tree and us and Home is where we will celebrate.

Christmas Venting

Well Christmas is so fast approaching and it hardly seems like it at all... I know alot of it is from not being at my own house. Im just not in the Christmas spirit usually by now I have almost all my shopping done. wrapped and ready to go... This year so far I have about 10 people left to buy for. None of my wrapping done.. Heck i haven't bought wrapping paper yet.... and the weather..hmmmm lets talk about that... Its so hot hotside its even 81 inside without the AC on. AC?? why do we have to run the AC at Christmas?? I want a COLD white Christmas (without having to do lots of traveling to get it....) hahaha Maybe another year......

Were Coming Home!!

Well It's been a crazy week in our life (or few months should i say.) As yall know we have lived with a elderly lady for the past 2 months December makes 3(me being her caregiver.) We finally decided we have had enough, and we are both home sick. I have been treated like a slave, talked down apon about my cooking and cleaning skills. (which everyone knows that has ever been to my house its not dirty by any means) I have been told on many ocassions, "I don't know shit from Apple Butter." I was telling Wes for a while just how bad she treated me especially when he wasen't around... So he decided to just take a listen in with out her knowing he was home on many ocassions and he would hear just how bad she spoke to me and talked down on me, and needless to say he didn't like what he heard!!.... So at the beginning of December we decided enough was enough and were coming home..... The "lady" doesn't know yet. we have not said anything I guess try and keep the peace as long as possible. Her POA was told Monday that we can not take the stress anymore not to mention all the things that were promised to us, such as time off and etc has yet to happen..... We might get a few hours away alone a week and that is often including in going to the grocery store and when we do get away we have to hear the guilt all that day or the next day how awful she felt while we were gone and she thought she was dying. So needless to say this next month is going to be one heck of a month... Thank God Wes is off the last week in December.

A Hard Turning Point!!!

Well this is defiantly hard to write. I made the decision yesterday to stop my fertility treatment for now. That was a extremely hard decision to make. I can't handle what im doing to myself and to Wes, anything from depression to major mood swings. I had a appt to get my meds to make me ovulate yesterday morning, and something just came over me and I asked myself why? why are you doing this to yourself ?? In which that i still don't know..... I told the nurse at my doctors office I needed to work on me first. I have to get thru this bad depression im in. There is some days I would just like to crawl in a deep dark hole and not come out... I always blame me, for the condition I have thats causing us not to get pregnant. Im so sick of looking at so many with alot of kids some that do take care of them and many that could care less..... I know there has been so many before me that has experienced this similar situation, I would honestly like to know how they dealt with this. So for now I need to make a appointment with my primary doctor to see what he recommends, maybe medicine or something. I feel like im falling apart. I honestly feel like being a Mother is my purpose in life and if I can't have that, I don't want anything!!!! What do I do? How do i deal with this?? So for now I have to work on me, and we have to work on Us..... I just need to know where to start.

"Safe Haven for Newborns"

As I watched the news yesterday evening I seen that a baby was dropped off at the local fire station (less than a mile from my house) and I naturally got to thinking. I just can not fathom someone really doing that. I know the law was taken in affect for a good cause, its better than the baby being killed or live life always "unwanted," and I do know that eventually those babies will get good homes, but there is a huge process they must go through DCF placement and etc......the news stated that in the 7 years the program has been implemented this is the 87th case in the state of Florida alone... but this naturally makes me want to question God and ask ok Why do you give those people babies and not me??????