A Hard Turning Point!!!

Well this is defiantly hard to write. I made the decision yesterday to stop my fertility treatment for now. That was a extremely hard decision to make. I can't handle what im doing to myself and to Wes, anything from depression to major mood swings. I had a appt to get my meds to make me ovulate yesterday morning, and something just came over me and I asked myself why? why are you doing this to yourself ?? In which that i still don't know..... I told the nurse at my doctors office I needed to work on me first. I have to get thru this bad depression im in. There is some days I would just like to crawl in a deep dark hole and not come out... I always blame me, for the condition I have thats causing us not to get pregnant. Im so sick of looking at so many with alot of kids some that do take care of them and many that could care less..... I know there has been so many before me that has experienced this similar situation, I would honestly like to know how they dealt with this. So for now I need to make a appointment with my primary doctor to see what he recommends, maybe medicine or something. I feel like im falling apart. I honestly feel like being a Mother is my purpose in life and if I can't have that, I don't want anything!!!! What do I do? How do i deal with this?? So for now I have to work on me, and we have to work on Us..... I just need to know where to start.